Carter's Kitchen
by Lora Ocean
Summary: Random stupidity. Courtesy of my father. Rating for language. No spoilers. Oneshot.


Disclaimer: Oh I wish! And not for Oscar Meyer

Major Samantha Carter was many things: brilliant, quick on her feet, deadly with just her hands and feet, a crack shot, and a savior of the world.

She was _not _a good housekeeper.

So it should not be surprising that when she walked into her home after the most recent Tok'ra induced problem, all she saw was a messy kitchen. All available counter space was taken up with food (a few days old... gotta get rid of that), empty soda and beer bottles (one trip to the redemption center eventually), and of course you cannot forget: dirty plates, glasses, pots, pans, cutting boards, silverwear... you get the idea. To top it off she wsa almost loathe to take off her boots and socks like she normally would, simply because she _knew_ about all the junk that was on the floor.

All in all it was a sight for sore eyes that hated themselves and got a sick perverted pleasure out of their own ruination.

Either that or she was just tired and disgusted.

"I so do not want to deal with this right now," she started mumbling ot herself. "I just want ot sleep, especially after all that crap with Anise and her 'trust me we are allies' and of course our routine suicide run which we did not realize was a suicide run unitl we were so deep in the only way out was information that oh what a surprise they neglected to tell us!" At some point Major Carter's mumbling had changed form. She was now yelling at the empty room about the shames of the Tok'ra: Anise in specific and in general.

"And of course after all that and the required quarantine and holding to make sure we were who we said we were- Daniel why did you have to go and skip the cuncussion? Or random alien disease? Why?- I still need to clean my damn kitchen!"

Now to an outside observer who knows anything about Major Carter a few things must seem a little off. Samantha Carter does not mumble to herself, she does not rant to her dirty dishes, and she does not curse one of her best friends for not getting hurt.

But then again, the people who would say that rarely if ever see her by herself in her absolute mess of a kitchen. Enough said? Tough.

Returning to Major Carter herself, who was at that time giving up on her rant and turning away from her kitchen, one must realize something: when any person turns away from a daunting task with intentions to take care of it "tomorrow" they are really meaning to say that "I hope the house/building burns down and I will never need to look at in again, let alone deal with it."

Come morning, and a first day of some well deserved down time, Major Carter will of course be confronted with this, this...atrocity again.

o o o

The sun was shining hrough the windows of Sam's house as she made her way into the kitchen. Impossibly it seemed as if the mess in the room had grown bigger. Brushing her hair out of her face Sam rolled up her sleves and started to run hot water into the sink.

All of a sudden she felt something. It was the little tingle that popped up whenever there was naquada around. Grabbing one of the few clean implements in the house- a knife by the way- Sam started to look around, searching for the source of this disturbance in her inner force. When she left the kitchen the feeling had gone away.

"Probably me just being jumpy after those problems with the Tok'ra" Sam muttered to herself, turning back to her task.

And throwing the knife at the now moving humanoid construct made of dirty pots and pans.

"Hahaha! Why do you attack me so uselessly Tau'ri? Your negligence has created me and now i will use the power you have left at my disposal to take your precious world. Even those 'friends' of yours who control the Chappa'ai will be able to stop me. An when all bow down to me it shall widely be known that former USAF Major Samantha Carter was purely resposible for this mess, just because she would not clean her kitchen."

Sam flinched back as the construct reached out to strike-

-and Major Carter shot up out of bed seconds before her alarm went off.

"No more late nights drinking with the Col. Ever again."

A/N: Review. Please. Cause I need to know when I screw something up.


End file.
